Censor Mom - NOT!

I just read my friend Johnna's blog (http://itsmylife-johnna.blogspot.com/2010/06/raising-confident-independent-children.html) about raising independent, confident children.  Good stuff.  Reading her blog got me thinking.

I think I am a good mom.  And, frankly, I am flying by the seat of my pants when it comes to mothering because I did not have a strong example.  But, I have also felt different as a mother.  I really don't want this post to be an attack on other women's mothering choices - You raise your kids your way.  And women are too critical of each other anyway.  However, I do want to give voice to one of my differences.

I am not a censor mom.  I started out trying to keep up with everyone and not let my kids watch or listen to things that were rated above them.  It's crazy.  We recently implemented a cut back on the amount of TV and video games we watch each week. Not because of the content but because it became a time suck.

I believe that film and music and - to some degree -  TV are art.  I have tried to shield my kids from overt sex and violence for the sake of violence and really mature themes and I think I have been successful.  But my kids have watched Grease (said one mom - "You let your kids watch Grease!  They talk about pregnancy.") and Road Warrior along with Shrek and the Incredibles. 

My kids and I sing along in the car and have dance parties in our house to rock and rap music. 

Besides, have you actually sat and watched "kids shows"?  Most of the live action humor comes from cut downs, sly insults, making fun of the class dweeb, disrespect for teachers, parents who are buffoons, etc.  How on earth is that better for our kids to watch?  I find that my kids are mouthier and more disrespectful after watching those types of programs than after anything we watch together.

I think popular culture opens doors for discussion with our kids.  For example when my son has a question about rap lyrics (especially if they are not Old School) we have an honest discussion about respect for women and getting caught up in material possessions and the concept of "Swagger".  Old School rap allows for a discussion about poverty, frustration, and the need to look for opportunity around you.  My kids and I sing classic rock songs together and we talk about what things were like 30 years ago (they love hearing about when I was younger - Connor says "Back when everything was in black and white.").

Movies and television allow for discussions about how we interact with each other as a people, the difference between right and wrong, crime never pays, true love, etc.

People ask me, "Do you really have those types of conversations with your kids?"  You bet I do.  My kids know they can ask me anything.  I might giggle, squirm or be uncomfortable but I am always honest, I stay at their level and I try not  to over share.

Peace.

A Chapter Closes

Today, we went to the school to "Clap Out" the 5th Grade class.  Clapping Out is a really charming, lovely ceremony where the school community - parents, teachers, staff, and other students - line the halls to applaud the fifth grade class as they leave the building for the last time. Some kids were stoic, some were excited, and many were bawling their eyes out.  I can imagine how they felt - leaving the little pond isn't easy.  My son is uncomfortable with anything overly emotional - he just wanted to get a Slurpee.

Six years ago, my son finished pre-school and I was terrified of him starting kindergarten in "Big School".  Now, he has finished "Big School" and is moving on to an even bigger school.  Middle School scares the hell out of me.  I have this vision of the inmates running the asylum - all hormones and aggression and drama.   And even scarier is the thought of my kid riding the middle school bus.  The whole thing makes me want to go fetal.

Friends who have gone through Middle School assure me that we'll emerge on the other side just fine. We'll see.  My fingers, toes, and eyes are all crossed.  And I wonder if my parenting skills are up for it.